Over think much

It is the beginning of my second semester. Which then I realize, I did nothing during mid semester break. I read few novels and sleep and watch drama with mom - mostly I spend the hours at home.

Well, at least I am enjoying myself doing nothing for almost 3 weeks. Which I never ever EVER gonna get that when I started with my career later on. One more semester to break my leg which it is going to be tougher as I have laboratory work to get done for my final project. Regarding pavement material which honestly, I am kinda into traffic management now. Hurm. 

Life is getting better. Or maybe there is some changes that makes me feel more ease in things that happen to me. And due to all those unpleasant things that happen to me - I can't stop myself from buying a motivational book. Woman Who Think Too Much : How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. 

Honestly, I am a overthinker person.

I spent few minutes before sleep wondering, considering, juggling things that happen to me. Sometimes I found myself in a depression. Worst, it dragged to my sleep and I found myself in a bad mood when I woke up the next day. And the cycle goes.

I usually picked what to wear tomorrow. Or if I'm going to travel, I probably will pack my things a week before. I may seem nothing, but I do the thinking even for the crappiest thing. Oh, and I am such a planner. And it stressing me out when my plan doesn't fall as I wanted. 

When I had an issue with anyone such as argument or misunderstanding, I probably will think about it over and over again. Somehow it plays in repeat like a video. And I non stop thinking why, why, why.  

It is not healthy.

Hopefully the book might help me to overcome my problem. Somehow, I still looking for another motivational book from Yasmin Mogahed, Reclaim Your Heart. By reading at the reviews as she is a good speaker, most of the readers are satisfied with the book. MPH City Square don't have the stock, if I still can't find it after I'm done with the novels, gonna buy it from MPHonline which I think it is so convenient!

Honestly, I am not sure either I have the time to read. 

Till then. Assalammualaikum

#220113

Due to finals and the stress along my projects and assignment, I have acted irrationally which the consequences affected me and those who are close to me.


Somehow during my downfall, I realized that there are always few person that is actually there for me. And more importantly He always there. I can't believe myself, why I always forgot that actually He is always there knows what actually deep in my heart. Why I always forget to appreciate and being grateful with this life?


So I may conclude that everything that I have now is something I borrowed from Him. Somehow, this irrational act of mine make me realized everything. It seems like a wake up call to me. And In Shaa Allah I will take this positively trying to be more wiser in future. Rather than based on my emotion status.


And finally, I am done with my first semester. Which I honestly appreciate each and every knowledge that I've gained here. Include friends who always helped me with the assignments and my studies. With Allah's will, I will perform better for my second semester. I will make sure I will graduating this year along with my dear friend Azizul. It is such a coincident that we apply for master at the same year - or maybe He already knew that I won't survive alone so He prepared me a very good friend with me. Why not to love my life?


During this 3 weeks of no class and no other commitments, I've decided to stay home do some reading, enjoying drama with mom and maybe an activities that I will named as #yamchatime! Which it will be started today. Oh not to forget, my operation to gain weight and have a healthy life style. Best of luck miss, very best of luck.


Till then, Assalammualaikum.

Cakap vs Buat

Sebab cakap mudah kalau dibandingkan dengan buat.

Sebab kena faham konsep, fikir dulu sebelum cakap. Ramai pesan, belajar rajin-rajin sebab setahun je sambung Master ni, main-main tolak tepi jauh-jauh, fokus jangan main. Tapi, percaya tak, nak dapatkan sehari atau mungkin 8 jam berkesan tanpa main main adalah payah. 

Terdistract kena panggil makan,

terdistract tengok instagram (padahal dah beriya deactivate twitter dengan facebook)

terdistract bual bual dengan adik macam 3 minggu tak jumpa je cerita

terdistract tengok HIMYM which ada lagi 2 season lagi belum tengok

terdistract tengok Running Man lepas tu gelak bagai orang gila habis ilmu belajar

terdistract dengan katil empuk lepas tu tertidur berjam jam

terbaru

terdistract tengok jejaka kacak nyanyi bahasa Korea. 

Tak paham tak apa, asalkan nampak muka, tersengih-sengih tengok laptop sorang-sorang. Tak kira lagi head banging bila lagu rancak. Tak kira lagi meleleh leleh hati bila tarian, expression muka jejaka kacak itu sungguh sungguh sungguh menggoda. Bila tengok jam dah 3 jam dibazirkan. Dah puluh puluh video TERtengok, siap persembahan live pun satu satu kaji muka si jejaka tu. HABIS.

Tak sedar diri, ada 2 paper paling susah, paling tak paham, paling dirasakan jauh nak gapai A menunggu. Sungguh mudahnya terpengaruh. Sungguh susahnya nak dapai belajar rajin rajin.

Kejap, bila orang cakap rajin. Apa makna rajin untuk diorang? Belajar 14 jam sehari tanpa buat benda benda lain selain benda perlu buat? Ataupun belajar secara bijak dengan pandai bodek pensyarah, beriya mintak tips exam lepas tu cuma belajar untuk dapat A sahaja. Ataupun ataupun, belajar secara ikhlas dengan faham setiap yang diajar, ikhlas belajar, tapi tak kisah sangat apa result yang dapat diakhir semester?

Mungkin lepas ni kalau ada orang nasihat suruh belajar rajin rajin akan diajukan soalan ini. Biar lagi specific apa yang diorang nak dari I. Susah. Susah sebenarnya nak jadikan diri sendiri ini dalam expectation orang lain. Lagi lagi bila scope dia besar, lagi susah. Beriya kononnya tak payah keluar sepanjang musim peperiksaan, padahal kat rumah bukan I mengadap buku pun. Paling tabah I bergelumang dengan selimut tengah hari tanpa kipas. Tabah betul tidur berpanas. Tak kira tabah bersengkang mata tengok video jejaka kacak sampai Subuh lagi. Tabah betul waktu musim peperiksaan. Tabah hati, tabah perangai.

Oh, moral. Nak buat lagi susah daripada cakap. Serious. Senang je nak cakap masak sup ayam. Ambil ayam yang dipotong kecil. Bawang besar sebiji, bawang puting sebiji, halia sedikit. Campak, tumis. Masuk ayam, tumis lagi. Tambah air, letak stok ayam. Campak sayur. Tadaaa, siap. Tapi bila buat, cuci ayam, potong ayam, potong bawang, tumbuk, itu ini itu ini lepas tu baru siap. Senang lagi cakap dari buat. Nampak?

I am not complaining. But sometimes, it is tiring when someone do expect too much from me. I have my hardships which I don't think others would know. When I easily get distracted - it is not something I proud of, I hated myself for wasting my time but sometimes I just can't help it. Well, I know this feeling can't be shared, but by giving me support and giving me unstoppable motivation might help. Rather than asking me to do my best, achieve the best - what best are you expecting anyway?

But then, I am grateful to have the importunity to further my Master. I can't ask more from Allah swt nor my parent. They have given me so much that I never actually be one good servant nor a good daughter. ;'-(

& to have my sister being in the same ship as me which Master is no kidding. We shared things and talk. She is one good listener since we know how to communicate. I am blessed. 

So, it is okay to expect. But don't be too hard on people. Sebabnya stress tu something yang tak boleh tengok guna mata. Bukan macam kudis. Depression is not an easy thing especially when it affected the heart.

Sekian.

p.s: Jejaka instead of lelaki sebab they are perfect dalam dunia hiburan. Ehem. 

p.p.s: Dua paper next weekend. I repeat, WEEKEND. ;'-)