07 April 2010


Think Diana, think. I got nothing in my mind right now. Seems like i'm having a nightmare or something - maybe worst. Not to mention that there are still assignments need to be done and i got paper on friday, so at least i need to be wise now. Don't do something stupid. Don't do something stupid. Don't do something stupid. Yeah, just don't Diana, even how hard it is.

I'm thinking of deactivating my facebook account again, i'm thinking of make my blog in private but what is the point? I've got no solid reason why, but still my heart insist too. And my mind start to say "i am okay with it". It is the matter of time, we'll see.

I am stress. I really do am. I wish the stress will go away each time i said, i am stress - i said that like a zillion times. I am stress. Yeah, this entry is about stress. Haha. No, not really. I dont know what is the point of this entry.

I am craving for ayam penyet since last two weeks, i excitedly said i want to eat steamboat at rawa restaurant or whatever it is called since the semester starts, i still haven't got myself secret recipe chocolate fudge cake, i still haven't go to the sea - camwhoring, did anyone ever listen to me what exactly i want now? Been too busy and too selfish to listen or pay attention.

Sometimes, when i get mad with something/anyone, i will make it/them felt the same way as i do. I am the one with grudge, and seriously i can't handle my own actions. It acts as what my heart feel. So don't blame me if sometimes i over-acted, it is the way how i let go my exact feeling. Eg; i bites when i love something, i pinch when i my heart say stop it jerks, i throw things when i really mad ect. I am complicated, i can't deny that.

But, life is complicated. You plan the future but something might comes up until it change the plans. We never expect what would happen in the future - it is complicated. The best way is to focus on the current life. I am thinking, what is my current life now? A last semester student with loads of thing to study and still got assignments need to be submit this week. Oh, so i need to study and stop thinking about what would i be after 20th April? (20th April is the last day i'll be at utm as a student - thank Allah!) But. But. Ok stop this, i can't think anything more about this. Derrr. Life is complicated.

I've once heard one of my friend said, "You know how they say that you can’t live without love? Well oxygen is even more important." Haha. I can't stop thinking about this quotes, it seems like it is a best quotes for the heart broken people, i mean what is the real meaning of love for now? Not even getting married yet, just a simple we're declared a couple officially, you-are-mine-i-am-yours-thingy and the relationship might be end any time once one of the 'couple' getting bored or getting tired of one another. And lots of people cried for love and some even commit suicide because of love. Maybe it is the solution for those who think, i cant live without love. Love is isn't love when someone is hurting. Love is balance. Love is as complicated as life.

I don't want to talk about friendship. But what i can conclude - it is hard to make all your friends satisfied on what you're doing. It goes bad at certain time and gets better at any other time then you realised it is better for you to just keep it by yourself and not too depend on friends. But still, how would i be without friends? And still, friendship is also complicated as life and love.

When everything is so complicated and even me is a total complicated person which always act abnormal, so what is easy in this whole world?

Think positively, at least i have a life with enough foods, have a place to stay, got educated by parents (even sometimes the workloads does killing me), got monthly allowance without working, i have nari-nari, i have a great sister and brother, i have supporting parents - ok, i'll just shut my mouth now. Enough complaining.

Boy, you're a monster.